Lemons of Life

I just watched this little video about a woman who was in a plane crash and suffered from burns over 90% of her body.  Before the crash she was just a regular person. Married with kids and just doing the day to day activities of being a mom. She spoke about being comfortable in her skin again and how she needs to remember that she is still the same person even though she looks different from the outside. It isn't easy to adjust to new circumstances in life especially when you don't have any control over these circumstances. It's hard not to compare your life to others and ask why your life had to turn out so different. It's hard not to be angry and jealous of those who have a life that you feel you were suppose to have. Difficult times is when we need the Lord the most but it's also the time when you feel most abandoned by the Him. Unfortunately for me I found it easier to distance myself from the Lord and not include him in my life. When Riley was first diagnosed I felt abandoned and alone. I didn't want anything to do with the day to day of life, after all what was the point. I had worked so hard and tried to do the things I was suppose to do and this was my reward? I felt cheated out of my experience as a mother. I stopped going to church because I couldn't handle being around all the parents and their normal children. It took all I had to just get out of bed in the morning and would spend days in my pajamas. I gained 20 pounds on top of the 20 pounds I hadn't lost from pregnancy. I looked terrible, felt terrible and probably smelled terrible too! :) I would look in the mirror and was so mad at myself for letting life get to me this way. I really needed to snap out of it but I just didn't know how. I began to pray for strength to understand why I had been given this challenge and what I was suppose to learn from it but an answer never seemed to come. Not too long ago when I was having a particularly bad day my mom gave me some advice. She told me that bad things happen in life and you want everything to stop while you try to figure it out. But life doesn't stop, it continues to move on and you have to find a way to move on with it otherwise you'll wake up one day and life will have passed you by. This is the first advice that anyone had given me that really made sense. This is what I started to pray for, a way to move on. It has now been nearly two years since Riley was diagnosed and while I still struggle with a lot of things I finally feel that I have received an answer to many prayers and have begun to move on. Because of Riley I have made new and lasting friendships with the most amazing people that I otherwise never would have met. Because of Riley my eyes have been open to a whole new world that I never knew was out there.  Riley is such an example of courage, patience, faith, hope and the pure love of Christ. It is such a blessing to be his mother. 

I share these thoughts mainly for Brock and Kristin. I want them to know that they are not alone during this experience. I also encourage them to not lose site of their faith in Jesus Christ as I did it only makes the journey harder.

Cancer

Tragedy struck our family again on Tuesday when my darling niece, Lauren, was diagnosed with cancer.  We've been noticing that she has kind of a poochy belly and it has appeared to be getting bigger the last few weeks. Kristin, her mom, took her into the doctor on Tuesday because she thought she felt some sort of mass in her stomach and after an xray they told them to go straight to Primary Childrens.  After a CT scan and an Ultrasound it was determined that she had a large tumor in her kidney, 12cm x 9cm!  Wednesday afternoon they took her into surgery to remove the kidney and the tumor.  They also placed a line in her chest for her to start her chemo therapy through.  She will be in the hospital until the biopsy comes back to determine what kind of cancer it is which will determine what kind of chemo she will go on.  Thus far her prognosis is looking good and we hope and pray that it stays that way. Keep her and my brother's family in your prayers.