truth or dare?

I'll take truth...Everyone keeps commenting on how well I handle the situation with Riley and how I always seem so put together. The truth is I must fake it well because I don't have it together at all. It wasn't so bad when Riley was a baby, but now that he's nearly 18 months it gets harder and harder every day. I see other kids his age walking, running, sitting in booster seats eating their dinner and I have to try extremely hard to hold back the tears. It is very hard to be around other "normal" kids especially kids in the family. It's hard not to feel anger and hatred towards those who have what you were suppose to have. It's hard not to constantly think "why my baby". It's hard not to just run away and wish it would all go away. It's hard to not constantly think about where, when and how my baby will leave us. The truth is that the whole situation sucks and I just pray that one day I'll understand why it all had to be this way.
Despite all the sadness I do try to look for the silver lining. There are many things that I am thankful for such as health insurance, medicaid, brilliant doctors, family members with medical background, family in general and supportive friends.
There are many people that I would have never met if it wasn't for Riley and for that I am very thankful.

rock a bye baby

The other day riley fell asleep with his baby. this is one of his favorite toys. he likes to talk to her and tells her stories. it's so cute!



here are the easter pics finally. first riley went to church in his new easter outfit. he looked so cute! then after church we went to my moms for some easter baskets and dinner. riley got a buzz lightyear kite, some bubbles and lots of candy that mommy and daddy happily sampled for him. all the grand boys got matching outfits which are adorable. we need to go get all their pictures done together. at dinner riley got to sit up with the kids at the kids table. he was so excited and him and lauren chatted the whole time.


pretty lady?

i put one of lauren's flower clips in riley's hair. he would make such a darling girl! marc would kill me if he saw this post!