I'll take truth...Everyone keeps commenting on how well I handle the situation with Riley and how I always seem so put together. The truth is I must fake it well because I don't have it together at all. It wasn't so bad when Riley was a baby, but now that he's nearly 18 months it gets harder and harder every day. I see other kids his age walking, running, sitting in booster seats eating their dinner and I have to try extremely hard to hold back the tears. It is very hard to be around other "normal" kids especially kids in the family. It's hard not to feel anger and hatred towards those who have what you were suppose to have. It's hard not to constantly think "why my baby". It's hard not to just run away and wish it would all go away. It's hard to not constantly think about where, when and how my baby will leave us. The truth is that the whole situation sucks and I just pray that one day I'll understand why it all had to be this way.
Despite all the sadness I do try to look for the silver lining. There are many things that I am thankful for such as health insurance, medicaid, brilliant doctors, family members with medical background, family in general and supportive friends.
There are many people that I would have never met if it wasn't for Riley and for that I am very thankful.
5 comments:
so honest...good for you. the whole thing completely and totally sucks. love you, bec.
I totally know where you are coming from. But it is all a test, to see how well we handle our challenges. You have done very well fake or not. You work hard with Riley, and he is a special little boy with special parents. He is so special in fact that is why Heavenly Father is protecting him. He is in a very loving and safe family. Love you guys.. Mom
Well said. Just remember you have others going through this with you. It is extremely heart breaking to deal with and is getting a lot harder the bigger they get. If you ever need anything or just a break, I know SMA very well and would be happy to babysit Riley for you. We should get together sometime. It would be good for Brynlee to be around a baby her age.
Love you Becah.
Mama... you are one of the strongest people I know. I love you so much!
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